The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
