I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
