I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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