i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
