1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
