paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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