at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
