Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My feet surprised me
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