No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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