Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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