My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
