I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
