just tell him i said nine months
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
