My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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