What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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