Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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