Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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