If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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