I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
