I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
