Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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