Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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