____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
