My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
