yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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