scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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