i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
