So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
