We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
