I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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