Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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