Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
