What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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