I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
