I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
