Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
