On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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