i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I skipped work to stalk him.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
