Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
