The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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