Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
