theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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