please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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