May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
