On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
