When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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