it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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