My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
