we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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