i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
