dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
