Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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