I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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