i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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