I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
