Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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