I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
