Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
