was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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