I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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