thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
