I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
