Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
