WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
