sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
