Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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