Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize