I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
