This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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