Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
