I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
