Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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