oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize