I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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