Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize