1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
