This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
