its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
