Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Randomize
