never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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