you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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