Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
