i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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