you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
