My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
