well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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