Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
