We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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