What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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