You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
