No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
