these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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