dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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