better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
