I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so let's talk penis.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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