I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
