Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
