after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
