You're a womanizer and a bitch.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think your dad took our porno
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
