Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
