Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
