do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
