Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
