she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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