in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
