I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
