Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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